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Virgin Holidays
Virgin Holidays - I Want the World
Miles Calcraft Briginshaw Duffy
TV/Cinema
isadn 59184
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"It's certainly Charlotte.."
Mrs E Rigby
the voice of common sense
the voice of common sense
Tue 06 May 2008
I think it’s that girl Charlotte Church. We weren’t quite sure, but it certainly looks like her. I heard that she’d been getting into trouble recently, what with going out with that rugby player Gavin Henderson and staying out all night binge drinking. But she’s got her own TV show and he plays for Wales and they’ve got a new baby, so she must be sober some of the time.
Personally I think she’s a lovely girl, and she sings like an angel, so I say let her have a bit of fun.
I expect she’s been paid quite a lot to do this advert for Virgin Holidays, and it is very entertaining. The only problem is that I didn’t realise what it was for until the very end. I thought it might be for some sort tropical low calorie slimming yoghurt. No offence Charlotte, but you are looking a bit cuddly these days, though I’m sure Gavin loves you just the way you are. I can tell you, it took me ages to lose the weight I put on during pregnancy. In fact, the truth is, I never lost it, but you shouldn’t be depressed. Lots of women go through this, though obviously they don’t have to appear in an advert for Virgin holidays. But I’m sure they made it worth your while. Well done Charlotte.
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Smart Car Range
Smart Car - 433 Miles on One Tankfull
TV/Cinema
isadn 59185
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Dear Prudence
she's out to play
she's out to play
Tue 06 May 2008
It’s a good ad, no doubt about that. It makes it’s point well, without being dull or plodding. It’s such an obvious idea, I can’t imagine that it hasn’t been done before, but if so, I can’t remember. The only problem lies in the idea of driving from London to Edinburgh in a Smart car.
I’m not a nervous driver, in fact I don’t drive, but I am not a nervous passenger. I have sat, all cool calm and collected as various dippy boy friends have driven the wrong way up one way streets, tried to take out huge lorries in a race towards a lane closure and I have even been a passenger in one of those mythical races that take place on the M25 late at night. Fucking amazing experience, but unfortunately, as I found out afterwards, the driver was one of those chaps who do have a big fast car because they have what is politely described as a ‘fun size’ willy.
On that basis blokes who drive Smart cars should have enormous willies, but despite that, the idea of rattling all the way up to Edinburgh in one fills me with horror. It is a small car, that’s fine, I’m very happy in sports cars, but there’s something of the toaster about a Smart car. It’s sort of too high, it looks like you might be blown over by a passing juggernaut, or even just fall over when going round an intersection. It’s OK in Camden, hauling out from the Hawley Arms (before it burnt down) towards Primrose Hill, or even as far as Hoxton.
Edinburgh on the other hand, is miles away, it’s apparently even in a different country these days, and I simply cannot imagine being driven all the way there in a Smart car, even with the promise of a huge package at the end of it.
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Samsung Phone Range
Samsung Soul - Magical Touch
Chime Communications Plc
TV/Cinema
isadn 58843
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Nowhere Man
but used to be big in business
but used to be big in business
Tue 06 May 2008
We’re back in la-la land. I haven’t seen a corny acid trip like this since Vodafone took us to another planet about three years ago. This is for Samsung and is pretty damn far out, I can tell you. Birds and blokes and flowers and dreams all fly about in a kind of low key technicolour world. Somewhere in the middle of it all, is a new Samsung phone which has some feature that I didn’t really understand.
I don’t know where this commercial comes from, but I think Samsung are Korean so maybe I’m just missing the point, and this isn’t a cheap skate acid trip, but a perfectly normal way to sell mobile phones in Korea. I have to say I have seen some pretty weird ads from Korea in the past, so this one looks pretty normal by comparison. And of course, I think we did make the Vodafone ads in the UK so I can’t really point the finger at the Koreans ad boys.
From what I hear from my kids, Samsung are pretty good phones with lots of funky features, so it probably doesn’t matter whether their ads are a bit off the wall. I know I shouldn’t be saying this, but the sad truth is that if you’ve got the right kind of product, which the market wants, then no amount of duff advertising is going to stop the stuff flying off the shelves.In our business we all probably spend far too much time worrying about the ‘exact nature of the communication’.
If you’ve got what the public wants, then just stick it on the telly, it’ll sell. On the other hand, if your product is a bit ‘vin ordinaire’ then you may well need a bit of distracting style and wit. You know where to come.
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Mattessons Meat Products Range
Fridge Raiders Chicken Bites - Hairy Carnivore
TV/Cinema
isadn 58861
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"i think that.."
Mr Mustard
he's so mean
he's so mean
Tue 06 May 2008
Let your hairy carnivore out says the ad, because there are pieces of factory processed chicken-like substance in the fridge. Well, the carnivore in question is about as unlikely as the chicken in the packet of Fridge Raiders, so no worries about over claim here at least.
The poor sap eating the Fridge Raiders doesn’t turn into anything I would recognise as a hairy carnivore, he looks more like a buck toothed transvestite caught half way through changing into his womens clothing. His demented girlfriend barges in on this hideous scene and tries very hard, but still fails to indicate that she finds this figure attractive in a carnivorous sort of way.
I rarely have sympathy for actors, but this poor girl is being asked to deliver something which is beyond human expression. She really does give it 100% but the whole thing just becomes more risible as a result. I suppose it’s possible that products get the ads they deserve and in this case the ad and the product go very well together. Both are perfectly ersatz, perfectly awful and perfectly incomprehensible.
The Fool on the Hill
sees the world going round
sees the world going round
Tue 06 May 2008
Once upon a time, lots of kids used to have tiny tots discos in big tubes of Smarties. In those innocent far off days it was all just good clean fun, and everyone could eat as many Smarties as they liked and nobody cried, and nobody was sick. Nowadays, life is much more complicated, and a strange multicoloured cult seems to have taken up residence in the big Smarties tube, each one wearing a jumpsuit in a Smarties colour. From what I can gather the blue Smartie had to be banished from the tube at some point, because he was impure and contained artificial colouring.
Now he’s got certificate to say that he is entirely free from artificial colouring, so will he be let back in? The ad is quite amusing and well done in it’s way, but rather sinister.
It perfectly reflects our obsession with labels and bureaucracy. I feel very sorry for the blue Smartie, he seems a perfectly decent chap, but is now received with extreme suspicion by his erstwhile chums until he pulls out his sad little certificate. He’s been thrown out of the tube/cult, but now it’s OK, he’s got a certificate to prove he’s completely Aryan or free of artifical colours or whatever, so he’s back in. I think we are supposed to feel uplifted my this little tale of redemption but I just feel slightly depressed.
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Bad adverts be warned 
but used to be big in business 
the voice of common sense 
